Okay so funny story. Actually not funny. Terrifying. Also a little bit the best day of my life. I contain multitudes. Some of you saw the photo going around... a certain 6'4" Norwegian goal-scoring cyborg deplaning back home with what several news outlets are calling "a raccoon-shaped liquor holder." I would like to clarify, on the record, in my own voice, as a legal adult raccoon: that was me. I was awake. I was aware. I was, allegedly, "part of the luggage." Here's what happened. One minute...

Well, the humans have gone and done a Big Business Thing again, and this time it actually affects me directly, so listen up.

Love Island Watch Parties have begun. Let the drama unfold.